Now, let me say at once – in order that there is no confusion, misinformation or ambiguity knocking about in this e-newsletter thingy – that I Robin James of Bournemouth, Dorset, am proud to have nothing but pure, 100% British blood flowing though my arteries (and indeed veins, if you want to be all medicinal about it).
Not that there’s anything the slightest bit wrong with having any foreign stuff knocking about in one’s innards, of course. (Except, perhaps, that diabolical pink and fizzy Italian plonk that Loretta, my usually discerning PA, tipped up with at the Cherry Call Christmas bash. My headache lasted for two days.)
It’s well known that I yield to none in my admiration and respect for our overseas friends of every colour, class and creed. After all, without them you’d have nobody to phone up at spectacularly low per minute call rates – and I wouldn’t have a business to pay my rent and Loretta’s bar bills.
But, the fact is, I just can’t seem to find a phrase in my Great & Useful Phrases for Weaving Into Internet Newsletters Kindle Book (99p download) that carries the same, je ne sais quoi as the French original: namely, Vive the old whatsit.
(Nor for Je ne sais quoi, either, now you mention it, Loretta!)
So Vive La Revolution it must be; Up the Revolt just doesn’t have the same sang-froid. (These French phrases pop up all over the place, don’t they, once you start using them!)
The Cherry Call New Year Revolution
You see, it’s all very well having a New Year Resolution. Like giving up diabolical pink and fizzy Italian plonk for a month or two (or for ever, more like) or promising never to say things like “BT just rip you off for international calls and I’ve no idea how they get away with it.”
But what I’m talking about here, is a New Year Revolution. Because, and I don’t want to sound too poncey about it because Loretta will accuse me of being pretentious and boring and nobody wants to get on the wrong end of her tongue but, dash it all, it’s true:
With our latest round of price cuts on the cost of international phone calls, we’re well on the way to starting a revolution in the way the global village communicates with itself.
(Loretta insisted I got rid of that bit, actually, but I read something similar in Internet Phone Services Monthly and I thought it had a nice ring to it. Sometimes I can be quite firm, you know. Especially when she’s nipped out to the tobacconist’s.)
But anyway, look at this lot:
- Angola Was 5p Now 4p
- Angola Mobile Was 7p Now 5p
- Angola Was 3p Now 2p
- Bangladesh Mobile Was 2.5p Now 2p
- Brazil Mobile Was 8p Now 7p
- France Mobile Was 4p Now 2.5p
- Greece Mobile Was 5p Now 2.5p
- Kenya Was 6p Now 5p
- Kenya Mobile Was 7p Now 6p
- Mozambique Was 5p Now 4p
- Namibia Was 4p Now 3p
- Netherlands Mobile Was 5p Now 3p
- Philippines Was 8p Now 7p
- Poland Mobile Was 4p Now 3p
- Portugal Mobile Was 2.5p Now 2p
- Qatar Was 10p Now 9p
- Spain Mobile Was 5p Now 4p
- Sri Lanka Was 9p Now 8p
- Sudan Mobile Was 9p Now 7p
- Sweden Mobile Was 2.5p Now 2p
- Trinidad and Tobago Was 5p Now 4p
- Uzbekistan Was 5p Now 4p
- Zimbabwe Was 6p Now 5p
These new rates clearly signal a global reappraisal of what one should expect to pay for international calls. (I borrowed that bit from the magazine, too, good isn’t it? Shhh, Loretta’s come back!)
“Global reappraisal, Loretta? No, no, I said ‘Mobiles in Brazil’ you must have misheard me: you can call them for just 8p a minute now with us, all day every day, too. And, er, German mobiles for just 2p, marvellous isn’t it…
She gave me one of Her Looks.
The ones that turn even the strongest man’s knees to jelly, his backbone to blancmange and his heart to a quivering mass of blubber.
Which is why, when I see those old paintings of the French revolution chaps knocking up a handy DIY guillotine to rid themselves of the more posh and privileged members of society, I wonder if they weren’t actually onto something.