Our new 0.5p call rate to Germany. (Please don’t tell my wife.)
You can keep your skinny supermodels. And your surgically-enhanced Hollywood superstar leading-lady flibbertijibbets.
I know we red-blooded, testosterone-fuelled males are supposed to get all hot and bothered at the sight of Kate Thingy looking like a stick insect in drag. And I perfectly understand why some chaps get all a-fluster at the very mention of Scarlett Oojamaflip’s name and a glimpse of her admittedly comely bosom.
But for me, they simply don’t cut the mustard.
“Are you trying to tell us you’re gay, Robin?” That was my viper-lipped so-called PA, Loretta, adding her unwelcome 2p’s worth as usual. I try not to respond to these ‘jokes’. It only encourages her.
Where was I? Oh Yes.
Whilst the only thing that gets me truly, madly, deeply excited is a cracking new price reduction on international phone calls – like the ones I’m just about to tell you about if Loretta will stop interrupting – I have to admit that there is one woman who, for me, towers above the rest (albeit in a strictly metaphorical way – is that the word, Loretta?).
(And by the way, don’t mention any of this to my beloved, but thankfully at home cleaning the oven, Mrs J. She’s got a nasty turn of temper and I think she might get the wrong end of the stick. I hate the sight of blood, especially my own.)
I refer, of course, to that stupendous paragon of international stateswomanship: the wise, witty and, above all, extremely stonking Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel.
She makes our own Iron Lady, Mrs Thatcher, look positively wishy-washy. I admire the way Angela clearly cares more about running her country than getting a decent haircut. The way her curvacious, pint-size figure is a rallying call for all those ordinary gals who can’t aspire to supermodel freakishness. Her handbags of yellow, red and black a typically understated display of witty flag-waving.
Even her name, pronounced ‘angular’, is a not-before-time slap in the face to all that simpering Hollywood nonsense that passes for beauty.
And Angela was, I am in no way ashamed to admit, my inspiration for getting CherryCall’s per minute rate for talking to Germany down to its new startlingly low rate.
“Mr Yashimoto”, I called to our chief boffin, “is there any way you can make calling Germany any cheaper? Can you give those grey cells a serious pounding to see if you can find a way to slice an extra smidgeon off our admittedly already rock-bottom price?”
And, bless his little non-matching pair of Uniqlo socks, he did the biz. It’s now just half a pee to call our chums in Germany.
That’s right. I could chat away to dear Angela for hours and hours, knowing I was only spending half a pee a minute. (When Mrs J is visiting her sister in Whitstable, natch.)
Is there no end to young Yashimoto’s international telephonic wizardry? This lot suggests not. They’re all down in price this week…
- Angola Mobile 5p per min
- Armenia 6p
- Armenia Mobile 9p
- Austria Mobile 2.5p
- Bahamas 4p
- Belgium Mobile 1.5p
- Bermuda 2p
- Bermuda Mobile 2p
- Bosnia and Herzegovina 7p
- Croatia Mobile 7p
- Egypt Mobile 7p
- French Guiana 1.5p
- Georgia Mobile 8p
- Germany Mobile 2.5p
- Honduras 8p
- India Mobile 1p
- Iraq 8p
- Israel Mobile 1p
- Japan Mobile 5p
- Kazakhstan 3p
- Kyrgyzstan 8p
- Malta Mobile 3p
- Mozambique 4p
- Mozambique Mobile 7p
- Netherlands Antilles 7p
- Netherlands Antilles Mobile 7p
- Nigeria 4p
- Norway Mobile 2.5p
- Saudi Arabia 5p
- Saudi Arabia Mobile 7p
- Sri Lanka 7p
- Switzerland Mobile 8p
Whizz to the CherryCall website to see all our latest smackeroos and how to use our service. Click here to go there now. Hang on, here’s Mr Y again…
“By the way, Mr J, I forgot to say I’ve got Cyprus down to half a pee, too!”.
Ahhh, yes, Cyprus. A word in your shell-like, dear reader: if you do call Cyprus – and at this price, who wouldn’t – best not to mention Angela you know who. They had a little, er, difference of opinion early this year.